It has been almost a year since my last post here--that's shameful! I have been sucked into the wondrous world of Facebook--the "This Is Your Life" of the 21st century. I have gotten back in touch with friends (and perhaps former enemies) from as far back as elementary school. I've had opportunities to heal some of my old wounds. I'm in more frequent touch with relatives. I've reconnected with people from all different areas of my life--from my church growing up, from Eastman, from previous employment, from high school. What has surprised me is how often these groups overlap--for example, I see that a friend of a high school friend is friends with someone I used to know from a music camp. Weird.

I also have been able to connect with people I hadn't met before, but who have common interests--other mito parents, other musicians, and, amazingly enough, some famous people in the entertainment business whose work I enjoy, and who have also been supportive to me in some instances.

It is wonderful and far-reaching, and I marvel at it.

Luddism

Today I wish I had a digital camera, so that I could take pictures of the gorgeous snowfall we had last night. Yes, yes--all you techie buffs can laugh incredulously that I don't already have one--go ahead, laugh! I do have a digital video camera, but I don't have the cord it needs to connect to the computer or the card to take still pictures with it. That expensive toy has been sitting collecting dust on the desk. I also have an old-timey point and shoot camera from the late 1990's, whose case has cracked, which has made it possible for me to rationalize buying a new camera. I want a camera that's really easy to use, and is not too expensive. I want to be able to take pictures and download them to Facebook without having to use the scanner, which is conveniently located in another dimension (my husband's basement lair). I want to be able to post pictures here instead of (apparently) illegally using Google images, which I have tried to remove from past posts, but which still bring me lots of interesting international visitors.

So, any suggestions for a good camera for a digidummy?

Party animal

This week I played approximately 30 billion notes in a program of Wagner and Rouse. It was very stressful trying to learn those notes--there were some that remained a mystery to me, and some which I knew well at slow tempi, but which escaped me during the performance. I know it was good for me to have done that practicing, but I didn't enjoy the process. I rewarded myself by going to a party after the concert last night, which is unusual, as I haven't been to a party in several years. I've been at small gatherings of friends, but a real party with lots of people crammed into a room with food and drink and raucous laughter has been a delicacy beyond my reach for several years. At first, it was awkward--there were only a few people to start, and I am out of practice in forced small talk, but as the party grew it became easier to get into a conversation. It helped that we all sang Canada's national anthem in honor of our new violist--singing unifies a group. There were cheeses, viola-shaped cookies, a fantastic hot onion dip, and some Twinkie Sushi rolls! There were not a lot of non-alcoholic choices, but I did manage to get my hands on an Orangina--yum! The teenage son of a percussionist did Canada Dry shots, amusing us all, and perhaps overstimulating himself. I noticed that those in their 20's seemed to arrive much later, and I guess it was because they haven't had the experience of getting up early because of children. I left while the party was still in full force, feeling a little worn out and overstimulated, but glad that I had the chance to taste some of that carefree youth again.

Home sweet home

During this few weeks' time off that I have, we're trying to institute some better routines and habits, hoping to continue them even when I return to work. We're spending more time as a family, instead of taking turns being here with Grace. Often, when I have time off, one of us will take a trip, to replenish ourselves. This vacation we are staying home, because Grace's teething makes it even more difficult for one person to be in charge 24 hours a day. What we are discovering is that all three of us are feeling more relaxed with Kevin and me here most of the time. We give each other time to get out of the house, and also time for practicing/writing and exercise alone. We set aside large chunks of time for just being with Grace, interacting if she's receptive, just hanging around if she's not. I'm definitely becoming a fan of this new get-away style.

Reality can bite pretty hard

Last night while cleaning up the kitchen, I listened to Menotti's "Amahl and the Night Visitors", which has been a favorite since childhood. I can sing along with many parts--the music is tuneful and matches the drama perfectly. I found myself weeping during the dance of the shepherds, just because the music was so happy. Then, when Amahl offers his cane to the wise men to take to the baby Jesus and is miraculously able to walk, I burst into a different sort of tears. My daughter will not be miraculously healed--there are no such things as miracles.

Gift-giving for the clever

As we approach the holidays, I just thought I'd pass along our strategy for buying Christmas gifts, which, when we use it, is great for reducing stress in December and high credit card bills in January. We sat down this fall, wrote down a list of the family members for whom we'd be getting gifts, then divided them between the two of us. (Gifts for friends are our individual responsibility and come out of our weekly "fun money".) We marked the calendar--one gift purchased each paycheck until Thanksgiving. That meant that we've had most of December to think about and buy gifts for each other and our daughter. This means that while many people are running around with like the proverbial chickens, we are able to focus on surviving the busy Yuletide schedule! It also means that we can afford Christmas.

Gaps

My daughter lost her first tooth last night--a bottom front tooth--which leaves her with that cute gap that is the signature of all 6-year-olds. This event brings me many conflicting feelings. I feel proud that she's reaching milestones. I feel sad that though she looks her age, she is more like a 3- or 4-year-old. I feel nostalgic for my own youth, remembering clearly that my first tooth was lost down the hatch while eating a bite of chicken. I feel anxious about what the lost tooth portends: months of teething pain for Grace, which was bad enough first time around. I feel worried that the agitated and destructive behavior we've seen the last few weeks is unrelated to the teeth, which means it is something unknown and therefore scary.

On top of all of this, the holiday season is open season on emotions for me. I am trying to integrate my memories and my hopes with the reality of my life, and it is difficult.

I feel like a rubber band at breaking point.